{"id":6600,"date":"2014-03-24T15:23:07","date_gmt":"2014-03-24T15:23:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/?p=6600"},"modified":"2015-01-12T13:46:35","modified_gmt":"2015-01-12T13:46:35","slug":"35-of-the-funniest-things-found-on-a-cv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/blog\/35-of-the-funniest-things-found-on-a-cv\/","title":{"rendered":"35 Of The Funniest Things Found On A CV"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The Curriculum Vitae is an integral part of the employment process, as you\u2019re tasked with the unenviable job of fitting your entire professional life into two (or at a push, three) pages in the hope of impressing your potential employer. However, the pressure of getting your foot in your prospective workplace\u2019s door can often be more trouble than it\u2019s worth; with many jobseekers unsure just how much detail they need to share with their future boss.<\/p>\n<p>But by focussing their efforts into being a dream employee, usually results in the form of a nightmare CV. Use these disadvantaged skills to your advantage, and join us as we laugh (and cry) at some of the funniest blunders that have made their way onto a CV:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/funny-cv.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-6601\" src=\"http:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/funny-cv-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"funny-cv\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/funny-cv-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/funny-cv-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/funny-cv-600x600.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/funny-cv.jpg 399w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><strong>1.<\/strong> often use a laptap.<br \/>\n<strong>2.<\/strong> Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.<br \/>\n<strong>3.<\/strong> Fluent in English. Also I have been heard muttering Gibberish in my sleep.<br \/>\n<strong>4.<\/strong> Qualifications: \u201cI have extensive experience with foreign accents.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>5.<\/strong> Experience: \u201cMy father is a computer programmer, so I have 15 years of computer experience.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>6.<\/strong> Objective: \u201cTo become Overlord of the Galaxy!\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>7.<\/strong> Accomplishments: \u201cBrought in a balloon artist to entertain the team.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>8.<\/strong> Reason for leaving last job: \u201cBounty hunting was outlawed in my state.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>9.<\/strong> References: \u201cBill, Tom, Eric. But I don\u2019t know their phone numbers.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>10.<\/strong> Special skills: \u201cI\u2019ve got a Ph.D. in human feelings.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>11.<\/strong> Skills: \u201cI have technical skills that will take your breath away.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>12.<\/strong> \u201cMarital status: often. Children: various.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>13.<\/strong> Education: \u201cUniversity: August 1890 to May 1993.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>14.<\/strong> \u201cI have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>15.<\/strong> Candidate explaining details of an arrest: \u201cWe stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>16.<\/strong> Hobbies: \u201cHaving a good time.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>17.<\/strong> \u201cSeeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>18.<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s meet, so you can \u2018ooh\u2019 and \u2018aah\u2019 over my experience.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>19.<\/strong> Interests: \u201cGossiping.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>20.<\/strong> Experience: \u201cAny interruption in employment is due to being unemployed.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>21.<\/strong> A CV written completely in the third person.<br \/>\n<strong>22.<\/strong> Hobbies: \u201cdonating blood \u2013 12 litres so far.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>23.<\/strong> Awards: \u201cNational record for eating 23 pancakes in 2 minutes.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>24.<\/strong> Pastimes: \u201cRunning, editing video, cooking, writing and wondering.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>25.<\/strong> Length of residence: \u201c60 feet, give or take.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>26.<\/strong> Reason for leaving: \u201cResponsibility makes me nervous.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>27.<\/strong> Hobbies: \u201cSpace Travel.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>28.<\/strong> Hobbies: \u201cMarital Arts.\u201d (Maybe it\u2019s a variant to martial arts?)<br \/>\n<strong>29.<\/strong> Job history: \u201cCareer break in 1999 to renovate my horse.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>30.<\/strong> Work experience: \u201cNight stalker in Tesco.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>31.<\/strong> Key skills: \u201cI am quick at typing, about 30 words per minute, 45 with strong coffee.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>32.<\/strong> Current salary: \u201c\u00a328,000. Salary desired: \u00a3170,000.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>33.<\/strong> Accomplishments: \u201cMy contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>34.<\/strong> Skills: \u201cAm a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.\u201d<br \/>\n<strong>35.<\/strong> References: \u201cNone. I\u2019ve left a path of destruction behind me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>While obviously it\u2019s important to inject your personality into your CV, ensure that you maintain a professional tone of voice (and that you undertake a rigorous spellcheck) \u2013 as employers may be averse to you using the company \u201claptap\u201d.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.businessdirect.bt.com\/\">http:\/\/www.businessdirect.bt.com\/<\/a><\/p>\n<h1><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Curriculum Vitae is an integral part of the employment process, as you\u2019re tasked with the unenviable job of fitting your entire professional life <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6601,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[44,46],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6600","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-job-searching","category-other"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6600","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6600"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6600\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6604,"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6600\/revisions\/6604"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6601"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6600"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6600"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.studentemploymentservices.co.uk\/staging\/3440\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6600"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}